Below is a blog post that I wrote for my single mom blog last July, two weeks before I met James...
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I LOVE this verse because I’ve seen it played out in my life so many times! Sometimes I wasn’t even praying for something, but was thinking about it, and God went and showed up and showed off, giving me way more than I could have even asked for! This has happened MANY times in my life, so why should my future husband be any different? :)
I’m a planner. I like to have a 1-year plan, a 5-year plan, a 10-year plan, a plan for next week! You name it. I love to set goals. If you don’t have an end goal, how do you know how to live from day to day? If my goal was to be a doctor, I know I would have to go to college first. The Bible says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18
But while I love to plan, I’ve learned that when it comes to finding a spouse at least, my 5-year plans are no good! Boo.
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
So, while God is in control of our future and directs our steps, it's good to have a vision for your future and let your desires be known to God because like a good father, He longs to give us good gifts.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
So I do plan for being married one day by reading books and becoming the person that I want to attract, but I also want to focus on accomplishing the things God wants me to do. Things that I feel called to do based on the gifts and talents He has given me.
For me, that would be writing and helping others. All the while praying and telling God my desires, and waiting patiently, without losing hope, knowing that God has always given me way more than I could ever ask for or imagine.
Some well-meaning Christians will tell single moms that they should just focus on their kids and not date, or wait until their kids are grown and out of the house. While it's wise to wait until you are ready (content to be alone, healed from past relationships, and strong in your faith and relationship with God), I disagree that a woman should wait because I see nothing in scripture to support this idea.
Yes the culture today is different from that of the Bible times when women could not make it on their own, but I still believe that God's design for the family is a mother and a father, whether those are both biological parents or not. Is blending a family hard? I've not done it but I'm sure it is. But I also believe that God is faithful and can help us through it.
Is being a single parent hard? Umm...let me think. Yes! But let's get back to God's Word. What is God's design for the family? Think on that before you tell another single mom that she should focus on her kids. Maybe she's doing just that.
While I know others have good intentions, I personally think instead of people who are not single parents, telling single moms that they should not date, they should be helping them grow their faith, training them how to look for and wait for a Godly man (this is huge), and teaching them to place their hope and faith in God to bring them the right husband at the right time.
Someone without hope falls into despair. Please don't take away hope from a single mom. We can do that easily enough on our own. It's easy to lose hope when dating or waiting to find a God-fearing spouse, but we need to have faith that God is working things out.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
“What we call despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope.” – George Eliot
“It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent.” – Jeremy Taylor
Is getting married always just a desire? I think getting married is more often a desire (especially when you are older), though it can be kingdom related. When we're younger, we're often looking for a spouse to have kids with, who will then be raised to serve God. Bringing kids into the world in the Bible was considered holy, righteous, and a duty, as well as a sign of blessing.
"As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." Genesis 9:7 (I got that one down. ;))
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3
What if you already have kids or are done having kids? Kids whether pre-made or future possibilities both still need to be raised to love and serve God. Ask any parent. This is huge kingdom work. Just because you are done having kids doesn't mean you have no reason to get re-married.
At one time, I thought I was doing my kids a huge disservice by not dating to find a spouse who could help raise them to know and love God. However, I’ve come to realize that God is more than able to supply all our needs while I wait for the right husband at the right time.
"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19
Having a spouse can also be eternity driven when one is looking for a spouse to help with a certain ministry. I have good friends who are missionaries in Africa. I’m not sure if he was praying for a wife or not, but I know when he met his now wife, he prayed and fasted about whether he should marry her or not. They did get married and they ended up adopting 25 orphans and starting a charity to help support the kids and their community. God brought him the perfect helper! His now wife.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
So I do plan for being married one day by reading books and becoming the person that I want to attract, but I also want to focus on accomplishing the things God wants me to do. Things that I feel called to do based on the gifts and talents He has given me.
For me, that would be writing and helping others. All the while praying and telling God my desires, and waiting patiently, without losing hope, knowing that God has always given me way more than I could ever ask for or imagine.
Some well-meaning Christians will tell single moms that they should just focus on their kids and not date, or wait until their kids are grown and out of the house. While it's wise to wait until you are ready (content to be alone, healed from past relationships, and strong in your faith and relationship with God), I disagree that a woman should wait because I see nothing in scripture to support this idea.
Yes the culture today is different from that of the Bible times when women could not make it on their own, but I still believe that God's design for the family is a mother and a father, whether those are both biological parents or not. Is blending a family hard? I've not done it but I'm sure it is. But I also believe that God is faithful and can help us through it.
Is being a single parent hard? Umm...let me think. Yes! But let's get back to God's Word. What is God's design for the family? Think on that before you tell another single mom that she should focus on her kids. Maybe she's doing just that.
While I know others have good intentions, I personally think instead of people who are not single parents, telling single moms that they should not date, they should be helping them grow their faith, training them how to look for and wait for a Godly man (this is huge), and teaching them to place their hope and faith in God to bring them the right husband at the right time.
Someone without hope falls into despair. Please don't take away hope from a single mom. We can do that easily enough on our own. It's easy to lose hope when dating or waiting to find a God-fearing spouse, but we need to have faith that God is working things out.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
“What we call despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope.” – George Eliot
“It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent.” – Jeremy Taylor
Is getting married always just a desire? I think getting married is more often a desire (especially when you are older), though it can be kingdom related. When we're younger, we're often looking for a spouse to have kids with, who will then be raised to serve God. Bringing kids into the world in the Bible was considered holy, righteous, and a duty, as well as a sign of blessing.
"As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." Genesis 9:7 (I got that one down. ;))
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3
What if you already have kids or are done having kids? Kids whether pre-made or future possibilities both still need to be raised to love and serve God. Ask any parent. This is huge kingdom work. Just because you are done having kids doesn't mean you have no reason to get re-married.
At one time, I thought I was doing my kids a huge disservice by not dating to find a spouse who could help raise them to know and love God. However, I’ve come to realize that God is more than able to supply all our needs while I wait for the right husband at the right time.
"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19
Having a spouse can also be eternity driven when one is looking for a spouse to help with a certain ministry. I have good friends who are missionaries in Africa. I’m not sure if he was praying for a wife or not, but I know when he met his now wife, he prayed and fasted about whether he should marry her or not. They did get married and they ended up adopting 25 orphans and starting a charity to help support the kids and their community. God brought him the perfect helper! His now wife.
As Christians, our goals should be eternity-driven as well. If our goal is just to make money, what good is that in light of eternity? But if your goal is to make money so you can give more to kingdom work and charities, then your goal is eternity-minded.
So, getting re-married can be both a desire and/or ministry-driven, and in ideal situations, it should be both. Ideally, I'd like to marry someone whose ministry goals are in line with mine, or who at least supports my ministry, and I his.
So, getting re-married can be both a desire and/or ministry-driven, and in ideal situations, it should be both. Ideally, I'd like to marry someone whose ministry goals are in line with mine, or who at least supports my ministry, and I his.
So...all that said. I can’t wait to see what God has planned for me! He’s never let me down before. :)
"Therefore do worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
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